Chart Music #24: July 31th 1986 – Toneh Adleh Aht Ter Spandaah Balleh

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The latest episode of the podcast which asks: no, really – how do you soil a bra?

This episode, Pop-Crazed Youngsters, sees us getting our hands down the back of the sofa on another random episode of Top Of The Pops – but as it’s 1986 – a year we haven’t done yet – we’re half-expecting to touch a maggot-infested rat, or an open pot of hair gel with all mould on it. We needn’t have worried, though, this particular episode has real-life Indie bands that you only see in the music papers in it, and they’ve actually let an actual woman co-present the show, a mere 21 years after it first started. The downside being that she’s stuck with Mike Read, looking like the third member of Black Lace.

Musicwise, it’s the usual mid-80s bag of cat’s arseholes. As Morrissey pointed out at the time, you weren’t allowed on Top Of The Pops unless you were black, a fact borne out by there being no less than five non-Caucasian appearances – Doris out of Five Star, Stedman out of Five Star, and the other three people who were in Five Star. Spandau Ballet make their comeback. Paul McCartney gets in people’s way on the Bakerloo Line. Stan Ridgeway has a flashback with a storeroom dummy. Chris de Burgh shits out what could be the worst No.1 of the decade. And Morrissey starts becoming a proper bell-end.

Al NeedhamSarah Bee and Taylor Parkes come together for a long, hard stare at the summer of ’86, veering off to discuss the buttons that do nothing on the Tube, Melchester Rovers’ turbulent 1985/86 season, how difficult it is to carve someone’s name on a bullet, and the proper way of reacting to someone asking you why you’re so fucking crap. We swear. A lot.

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