Chart Music #59: July 3rd 1986 – It’s ‘Orrible Being A Slave Of War Orphan Farm

The latest episode of the podcast which asks; The Monkees as the cast of Monkey – who’s going to be Pigsy?

Jabbed up and preparing to throw itself back into the world (to the extent that they might go to that gig in Cheryl Baker’s back garden, depending on what the toilet facilities are like), Team ATVland reunite for a massive trawl through an episode of The Pops from the long, mediocre, pointy-headstocked, porn-frizzed, success-coated Summer of ’86. The World Cup hangover is still in full effect: so much so that the menfolk of Top Of The Pops appear to be too busy frothing at the mouth over Diego Maradona to attend, leaving Janice ‘All Night’ Long to mind the shop.

And what an episode it is! Sure, like every episode in this era, it’s strewn with cat shit – but what interesting, marbled, and bizarrely-shaped cat shit it is. The Housemartins demonstrate that they’re not actually made of Plasticine. Gary Numan plays a gig at Stringfellows with Serving Suggestion. Saucy Soaraway Sam has a go at being a Vixtress with a former member of The Clash. Claire Usher delivers the last of the Kiddiepop bangers. Bucks Fizz invent World Music. A genuine actual brilliant single pitches up, before Wham! go Splat! with a remake of Parisienne Walkways set in Megas Wine Bar, Birmingham. And a presenter made out of fibreglass who isn’t Simon Bates pitches up.

Neil Kulkarni and Taylor Parkes join Al Needham for an intensive scowl across the landscape of the Fun Pub of 1986, veering off on such tangents as Mork’s body odour, the unbelievable grimness of British girls’ comics, being recognised in Scandinavia, the decline of Cheesy Wotsits, why Tommy Steele cried at his own party, and an intensive tutorial on the correct way to Tie Off. An obscene amount of swearing on this one, and too much appalling singing from Al.

Part One: Preamble

Part Two: Janice Long, The Housemartins, Gary Numan

Part Three: Samantha Fox, Claire and Friends, Bucks Fizz

Part Four: Sly Fox, Wham!, Max Headroom and The Art Of Noise

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